Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Scrooge - expect anything less?

So this is Christmas, and what have you done?
Another year over, a new one begun.

Okay, I'm very late on this one I will give you, but the point remains - I for one lamented the end of 2007. I had a great year. While 2006 was good, it started bad, was a struggle once reaching the UK and it wasn’t until I met my now regular group of friends at Christmas 2006 that I would say the life I enjoy now really began. When that clock struck 12.00.01am, I’m not really going to be too happy about it. And on that note, I don’t really like Christmas too much either.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind the holiday, I don’t mind the presents, but Christmas cheer – bugger off. There’s nothing fun about Christmas carols. They blare in your ear, the grate down your spine and they annoy any passer trying to listen to their iPod. Just because it’s Christmas do you think I’m going to put money in your bucket? I don’t give money to the phone lines for X Factor fools singing off key, there’s bugger all chance I will for your effort!

So with all that, I spent Christmas in Scotland (more on that later) never getting the chance to sleep in for the Christmas break, and only received one Christmas present. This meant all I had for Christmas was the desire to knock out carollers two front teeth.

New volleys - best present ever!!!

There are a few highlights for this time of year though. There’s the office Christmas party for example. I won’t go in to this year’s as it was a reasonable tame endeavour, which ended quite civilised. Of course there was the amusing dancing of your colleagues, or the office romance between departments that you could so easily tell had broken up long before as they simply wouldn’t speak to each other (thank Christ it wasn’t my department). No, I’d prefer to relive some of the others.

Christmas parties - opportunities to stick your face where it's not wanted

Who could forget AMP’s Christmas party in 2004 when I walked home from Darling Harbour to Balmain – about 10kms – as I couldn’t get a cab (we had to steal someone’s ride this year and give the driver £60) only to realised I couldn’t find my keys. So unceremoniously I scaled the front of our apartment complex, humming the Spiderman theme song to myself mind you, till I got to the bedroom on the third floor. Naomi was not as impressed with my acrobatics as I was. Considering the three story plunge while balancing on a brick ledge pissed as a fart, I don’t really blame her.

Or 2006 when a Thursday night ended in piggy backing to bars at 4am. Waking up the next morning at 10am I did question why on earth we had Christmas party on a weeknight. Receiving a phone call from my boss at 10.15am wondering why I wasn’t in - which I thought a strange question as a hung over was the obvious answer - made me curse Christmas again. Made it in to work at 1pm that day.

Fun times.

But at least at home you can lie in the sun, go to the beach, or relax by the pool. But not in the Ol’ Bligh. Let me give you a quick run down of the jolly season. Firstly there's betting on whether it will snow or not. Sounds fun and happy and all things tinsel doesn't it? Well not when every year no snow comes but it pelts down with freezing ice storms. People happily chuckle 'well maybe next year, ha ha', avoiding the grim realisation that they just lost 20 quid, are wet, freezing and have to listen to carollers rattle on about harking the herald angels.

The novovirus: This little arse kicker has been ripping through London since December. I've had it, the bloke next to me has had it and guaranteed if you are in London now - you'll get it. It is a 48 hour vomiting disease that has been decimating the Capital for a month, infecting 100,000 a week and is expected to blossom when school goes back. Combine this with the stock standard Janaury flu and it's more fun than a blind convention in an abattoir.

You know you have been here for too long when this doesn't phase you, and you even cheer up when you start considering the fact that 22 December is the shortest day and you only have to get through January until you get to see that glowing ball of heat and light in the sky. Might go and place a bet on whether it will be a warm summer or not - will probably snow.


At 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My cheeks hurt from smiling at your pain.
I'd never before thought to ask what drew you to working in the UK, but I think this post shows that there's no better culture to immerse yourself in to achieve your destiny: a 12th dan black belt whinging master.
I am but a withered autumnal leaf in your mighty gusts of chill air.

PS: I got a tripod for my camera, ipod nano, petrol r/c car, 100% more holiday time and a swim at the beach.

At 9:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! sounds pretty bad, thanks for that! Kidding, why hasn't this been published yet, it's sooo funny!


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