Monday, January 08, 2007

Roger, roger

Airports in movies are often used to show emotional scenes of happiness. A person getting off a plane to see their loved ones. A young person picking up a backpack, slinging it on their shoulder and waltzing off with carefree abandon to find themselves on a trip to Europe (they usually only find a second degree STD). But where the fuck in these movies are the half-wits with those rolling suitcases!

Before purchasing one of these mobile shin-destroying contraptions, does one need to leave all brains, common sense and god given decency in the luggage store. People whinge about backpacks, but at least people with backpacks are aware that they are not leaving a trail of 825 people behind holding their toes, shins or face down as the buffoon with the rolling suitcase decides to stop suddenly, turn sharply (resulting in the suitcase going sideways) or simply take up three metres of space when they are walking.

Obviously my Heathrow experience wasn't pleasant.

Arriving in the fifth dimension of hell - or Heathrow for those not familiar - everything was going smoothly. Or it seemed to be as I was still drunk. Why does one go out on a Saturday night before an early flight, say I'll go home by 11 and ends up stumbling home at 5am, not having packed and realizing that you can either pack well or have a quick snooze - but not both? I went the snooze. Suffice to say when I opened up my back pack I have one jumper, two pairs of jeans, three black socks and 6 pairs of flip flops.

Fun didn't end there though people. At check in I ran in to the couple I affectionately labeled Danger Mouse and Penfold for their ability to fuck up the easiest tasks known to man, but yet both being mid 60s, seem to have got through life and the larger challenges so far (survival of the fittest my arse Mr Charles Darwin). While checking in they realized they had left their passports in their suitcases, but rather than moving aside to let others in they started unpacking. Not just in front of one counter, but took up a second one also. Ggggrrr I said. This was my first of three run ins with these two. The final being at Melbourne airport where they refused to accept that they couldn't bring 10 litres of duty free whiskey in to the country. Their argument was that they hadn't declared it on their customs card so they should be allowed to bring it in. Logic lives in a black hole with these two.

Getting past the check in I made my way to the scanners and customs desk. As my deodorant was taken away from me (it was larger than 100ml so apparently it is considered a weapon of massive destruction and could be used as a terrorism device - called the 'Lynx effect' by experts) I made a little joke: "That's fine, I just feel sorry for the people next to me." Oh how that comment was going to come back at me. Moving swiftly along I reached the customs desks.

Now, let's set the scene. Over the past few weeks Tony Blair has been banging on about immigration and monitoring people in and out of the country. Now any fool in media relations 101 will understand that he has been chastised over Iraq for weeks leading up to this and the only way to worm out of a potentially damaging issue is by focusing the public's mind on an emotive issue that affects them all - war, unemployment or immigration - being the triumviri of choice for today's politician. War is the the point to be avoided so have a stab at the immigrants. Sure vote winner.

So, after
New Labour banging their drum over this and heightening airport security, it was with great surprise that I saw this sign hanging from the Customs desk:


UK Immigration - Heathrow
9.30 - 20.30
Monday - Friday

Now some countries don't stamp you when you leave, and that's fine, but by stipulating the hours, the UK clearly does, but only during office hours...how's that immigration issue going? Maybe pick unemployment.

So onward I did go, eager to get to the departure lounge so I could sit and contemplate how to rid myself of the impending hangover. Finally getting on the plane, I had two seats to my right. But according to my luck for the day, along came a large Indian man and plonked himself next to me. This fella stutred.
Now you probably haven't come across this word before. That's because I just made it up. The smell and its intensity was so bad that I have to combine stunk and putrid to describe it. It was so bad that the passengers behind us asked to be moved. Along with this, my TV screen in front of me was broken, meaning a 7 hour trip with woofy boy and no tv. But it was semi-okay as I was on the window and he was the aisle. That was until a young lady, who later became my savior, sidled up and announced that she was the aisle seat. So up he struggled, slamming down next to me, resulting in a gush of BO air hitting me in the face. Catching my eye after she sat down, the young lady had a look of shock and revulsion on her face as she copped the first whiff of her new next door neighbour. We bonded immediately. Noha and I proceeded to spend the next 4 hours trying to talk over him from aisle to window, be she eventually swapped seats to sit with me. This resulted in a great buffer between myself and Mr Stinky, she didn't need to face him to talk to me and in the end we didn't watch any TV anyway. By close of play it had to be one of the most enjoyable flights I've had.

And the lesson for the day kiddies - no matter how bad it is looking, every cloud has a silver lining. Glad to have made your day.

13 Comments:

At 11:22 AM, Blogger LaLa said...

Does that mean you are home?

Welcome home Mr Woofy.

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Bart said...

Home and hosed - wish the little smelly man had been hosed too.

 
At 12:30 AM, Blogger *Luce* said...

Good to have you home ;)

 
At 12:34 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton handbags, oakley sunglasses, louboutin, longchamp outlet, nike shoes, louis vuitton outlet stores, chanel handbags, burberry outlet, prada outlet, jordan shoes, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, tory burch outlet, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp handbags, nike free, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, tiffany and co, prada handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, longchamp handbags, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, kate spade handbags, burberry outlet, louis vuitton outlet, louboutin outlet, louboutin, coach factory outlet, air max, air max, coach outlet, gucci outlet, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet, coach purses, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton, coach outlet store online, true religion jeans, oakley sunglasses cheap

 
At 12:35 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ralph lauren, lululemon, air max, hollister, north face, nike air max, polo lacoste, vanessa bruno, timberland, vans pas cher, louboutin, louis vuitton, oakley pas cher, air max pas cher, nike roshe run, air max, true religion outlet, barbour, sac longchamp, air force, hollister, sac louis vuitton, nike free, polo ralph lauren, nike trainers, louis vuitton uk, nike roshe, sac hermes, longchamp, michael kors, sac burberry, sac guess, mulberry, new balance pas cher, converse pas cher, sac louis vuitton, hogan outlet, nike tn, north face, true religion outlet, ray ban pas cher, michael kors, air jordan, nike blazer, nike free pas cher, michael kors pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, ray ban sunglasses

 
At 12:36 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

mac cosmetics, mont blanc, marc jacobs, canada goose outlet, nike huarache, vans shoes, soccer jerseys, hollister, giuseppe zanotti, beats by dre, abercrombie and fitch, longchamp, insanity workout, celine handbags, bottega veneta, ghd, nfl jerseys, north face outlet, chi flat iron, ugg boots, birkin bag, ugg australia, canada goose, herve leger, ugg pas cher, rolex watches, valentino shoes, canada goose uk, canada goose, ferragamo shoes, canada goose, ugg boots, uggs outlet, north face jackets, soccer shoes, asics running shoes, new balance shoes, p90x, lululemon outlet, canada goose jackets, mcm handbags, instyler, babyliss pro, ugg, wedding dresses, jimmy choo outlet, reebok outlet, nike roshe run

 
At 12:37 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

parajumpers, karen millen, air max, converse, pandora charms, moncler, louboutin, moncler, links of london, lancel, juicy couture outlet, oakley, hollister, pandora charms, supra shoes, thomas sabo, canada goose, gucci, wedding dresses, timberland boots, swarovski crystal, air max, coach outlet store online, moncler, ray ban, canada goose, moncler, ugg, louis vuitton, swarovski, hollister, montre homme, moncler, hollister clothing store, ralph lauren, rolex watches, moncler outlet, moncler, iphone 6 cases, baseball bats, juicy couture outlet, toms shoes, vans, pandora jewelry, ugg, converse shoes

 
At 1:29 AM, Blogger Junda Xu said...

20151026 junda
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
nfl jerseys
cheap ugg boots
Coach Factory Outlet Online Sale
air max 95,nike golf,nike janoski,air max 1,nike canada,nike plus,nike shox,nike factory store
Louboutin Red Bottoms Shoes Outlet
oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton outlet
ralph lauren polo
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet sale
ugg boots
Authentic Louis Vuitton Handbags Cheap Online
mont blanc
michael kors outlet
Gucci Outlet Online Sale
michael kors handbags
Authentic Louis Vuitton Belts Outlet Store
michael kors outlet
Coach Factory Outlet Private Sale
true religion jeans
tory burch outlet
Oakley Vault Outlet Store Online
hollister clothing store
nike trainers
Louis Vuitton Handbags Official Site
michael kors handbag
Louis Vuitton Handbags Factory Store
uggs australia

 
At 5:05 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

christian louboutin, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton, chanel handbags, replica watches, oakley sunglasses, tiffany jewelry, ugg boots, louis vuitton, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, christian louboutin uk, tiffany and co, polo outlet, longchamp outlet, replica watches, uggs on sale, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin shoes, nike air max, tory burch outlet, nike free, nike air max, burberry handbags, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet online, oakley sunglasses, kate spade outlet, jordan shoes, uggs outlet, prada handbags, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses wholesale, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, michael kors outlet online, polo ralph lauren outlet online, michael kors outlet online, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, longchamp outlet, uggs outlet, prada outlet, gucci handbags, ugg boots

 
At 5:06 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

coach outlet, lululemon canada, sac hermes, coach outlet store online, nike air force, sac longchamp pas cher, new balance, air max, coach purses, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet, nike air max, true religion outlet, nike roshe run uk, michael kors, polo ralph lauren, converse pas cher, hollister pas cher, true religion outlet, nike roshe, replica handbags, true religion jeans, mulberry uk, north face, sac vanessa bruno, jordan pas cher, nike free uk, michael kors, polo lacoste, guess pas cher, michael kors pas cher, kate spade, nike tn, burberry pas cher, ralph lauren uk, true religion outlet, north face uk, louboutin pas cher, timberland pas cher, abercrombie and fitch uk, hogan outlet, nike air max uk, ray ban uk, ray ban pas cher, oakley pas cher, longchamp pas cher, nike free run, nike blazer pas cher, hollister uk, vans pas cher

 
At 5:07 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

p90x workout, iphone cases, iphone 6 cases, mont blanc pens, north face outlet, abercrombie and fitch, s6 case, longchamp uk, ferragamo shoes, iphone 5s cases, herve leger, iphone 6s cases, vans outlet, oakley, beats by dre, iphone 6 plus cases, mcm handbags, nike huaraches, valentino shoes, babyliss, celine handbags, nike roshe run, louboutin, hollister, soccer shoes, jimmy choo outlet, chi flat iron, iphone 6s plus cases, new balance shoes, ghd hair, soccer jerseys, giuseppe zanotti outlet, asics running shoes, ipad cases, insanity workout, reebok outlet, hermes belt, lululemon, instyler, nike air max, baseball bats, mac cosmetics, timberland boots, wedding dresses, hollister clothing, bottega veneta, nike trainers uk, north face outlet, nfl jerseys, ralph lauren

 
At 5:09 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

hollister, louis vuitton, links of london, pandora uk, moncler outlet, moncler, canada goose outlet, swarovski crystal, karen millen uk, ugg pas cher, louis vuitton, moncler, ugg, juicy couture outlet, moncler, thomas sabo, swarovski, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, canada goose outlet, pandora charms, barbour uk, montre pas cher, wedding dresses, replica watches, canada goose, canada goose uk, doudoune moncler, moncler uk, nike air max, pandora jewelry, canada goose, vans, converse, canada goose, juicy couture outlet, hollister, gucci, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, pandora jewelry, moncler, louis vuitton, ugg uk, coach outlet, supra shoes, lancel, ray ban, converse outlet, louis vuitton, marc jacobs, moncler outlet, canada goose jackets, louis vuitton

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger Mie Helal said...

I'm going to highly recommend this web site
http://www.kuwait.prokr.net/
http://www.emirates.prokr.net/

 

Post a Comment

<< Home