Thursday, February 07, 2008

Oops I did it again

What a weekend. The sun was shining, people were cheery - it truly was a glorious Saturday... as I bounded out of bed at 1pm. Then came Monday. Winter was back and London proved itself to be the schizophrenic bitch we all know it as.

But now there is hope in sight. That little glimmer of summer is just over that foggy horizon waiting to burst forth. If you recall last winter, I informed you all of this disease called SAD (seasonal affected disorder) or something like that. Basically it gets light at 8am and dark by 4pm, so the resulting lack of vitamin D, cold weather and everyone feeling like they want to hibernate, makes you feel depressed. Last year I went home for January, so it wasn’t too bad, but this year was a little harder. But hey, it's not all bad - at least I’m not everyone’s favourite car crash…

Britney Spears – what the fuck are you on about? I completely disagree when people start saying ‘it’s the media’s fault’, ‘why don’t they leave her alone’, ‘they’re only exacerbating the situation’. Well, where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

The media didn’t ask her to marry trailer trash and pop out two kids with hunky, dory ‘hey look at me I’m from the south’ names like Billy-Ray-Jo or Kyle-Yeeeha-Chad, or whatever the yokel they are. Neither did they say:

"Hey Britney, flash your privates when getting out of the car – no one will pick up on that!” Nor did they say: “Hey Britney, shave your head!”

Then again someone probably did tell her to make sure the collars and cuffs matched…

Britney's decent into weirdness has to have some sort of scientific explanation, and I think I've cracked it:



Good so far, all good.



Did we learn anything here? That's right - Red Bull makes you do silly things. Fuck, the only thing left now to save her is for Angelina Jolie to adopt her as her next under-privileged child - she'll probably eat better.

Second – don’t give me this ‘I wish they left her alone’. She makes more than you by opening her mouth and singing a verse for four seconds than you do in a week. Google her name and it comes up with 77,700,000 mentions. Google mine and it comes out 231,000 (including this gem here - yes, I was a child actor). So admit it – you love seeing her lose it.

Third - you people that say ‘poor her’. Bah - if you’re being hounded by paparazzi, what’s the worst thing you can do? That’s right – start dating a photographer. My sympathy ends when that level of stupidity is employed!

The one group I feel for the most in this whole debacle are the late night talk show hosts. This stuff is comedy gold…shame all the writers are on a writers strike! Well... one isn’t. That’s the guy who updates Britney’s facebook status – busiest man alive:

Britney is confused (updated 1 minute ago)
Britney is in hospital (updated 56 seconds ago)
Britney wants fried chicken and grits (updated 52 seconds ago)
Britney something something (updated 50 seconds ago)…and so on.


Post a Comment

<< Home