Sunday, October 22, 2006

Soccer is called football - what a crazy place!

Ah the English have come up with some fantastic sports. They invented cricket for the Aussies, rugby for the Kiwis and soccer for the Brazilians. Generous souls.

Now after a large weekend the week before - Simon was the only one in the right frame of mind to actually remember what happened ( - I decided that Friday was going to be spent at home: catching up on admin stuff, resting, gym, little bit of work and some healthy eating. It was swayed a little bit with a few beers on Friday night, but I stuck to my plan and left after only a few pints.

Now waking up on Saturday morning with a clear head I was contemplating the gym when I recieved a phone call from Jimmy:
"Hey, want to come and watch Chelsea vs Portsmouth today?"
"Yes. Yes I do."

Now you people not in England will probably think what's so big about that. Let me explain. Tickets to top clubs' games are rare, very rare. In fact, you can't even get in the gate to many of them unless you're a season ticket holder, and Chelsea is currently top of these clubs. Imagine if Toorak or Mosman had a team and that's Chelsea. Getting a ticket is the equivalent of an AFL grand final ticket, only a bit rarer.

Season ticket

Now I want to get one thing straight, I'm not a Chelsea supporter, but when you are surrounded by the fans you have no choice but to support them, not because of the atmosphere but sheer terror that you'll get your head smacked in.

When I got here I wanted to find a team to follow. I was considering Fulham as it was close by, but after watching the FA Cup, Liverpool were my team! All it took was Steve Gerard's (the captain) rocket with one minute left to equalise the game and I was in love.

Not only did he score that, but scored an equaliser earlier in the game and set up the first goal - he's my hero. So's his WAG (term giving to Wives And Girlfriend) - she throws punchs at any girls leering at Steve - classy girl.

Well she's actually not that classy. Rumours are abound that she is shagging the local coke dealer when Stevey heads off to vice captain the English team (and a paternity test on the second child has been ordered). In fact, Liverpool boys really seem to have a hard time with the ladies when they go off to represent England. Liverpool and English striker Peter 'The Coathanger' Crouch - who looks like Macaulay Culkin if you put him on a rack and stretched him to 6'7" - has had the same luck. His WAG was caught by The Sun shovelling through the nose candy and having it off with her ex- while dear Peter was battling the Portugese in Germany. He ceremoniusly dumped her two days later:,,4-2006360529,,00.html.
As you can see who really gives a toss about who Christy Malthouse is shagging or which Sydney Rooster pissed on a bar maid when you have the real Footballers' Wives everyday.

Now, before I go on about the game, let me explain the competitions.

You have the Premier League - which is the best English teams - the first division if you will.
Then there's the First Divison, or it's called Coca Cola Cup or Championship league or something - which is really the second division.
The Second division - which is the thirds, and so on.

Love the players so much they turn the sprinklers on them!!!

Each year all the teams in the land play for the FA Cup. Any team can qualify. That means you can, if the cards fall right, have Wapshore Bumblebees playing against Liverpool in any given year.

Then you have the European tournaments: Champions, UEFA, European Cup, blah, blah, it really gets quite complicated and ridicuous. I tried to figure it out with Stephen Hawkins but we both ended up too bored and went for a ride down a big a slope on his bitching new wheelchair!

Anyway, back to the Chelsea game.

After writing all the stuff above, I really can't be bothered talking about the game. Except to say the seats were gold, the singing was loud, the drinking was good and the day was fun.

Oh, and this is a chav...but more on that later.


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