Thursday, November 02, 2006

You 'avin a laugh my son!!!

Chavs. The english word for bogan. However, the only thing that bogans would do to harm you is insult your eyes with a whopping great mullet. Quoting Simon, chavs are more the let’s-go-and-slash-somebody’s-face-and–film-it-on-our-mobile-phones sort of people.

When you think of the typical lobster red on a Spanish holiday, lager drinking in the streets with a shaved head and a nike swish earing, you're thinking of a chav. The dress usually consists of:

Summer
1 pair Nike white trainers
1 pair Nike tube socks
1 Nike t-shirt (sleeveless)
1 pair Nike 3/4 tracksuit pants
1 Nike symbol earing
1 shaved head
Flick knife optional (men)
Baby optional (women)

Winter
1 pair Nike white trainers
1 pair Nike tube socks
1 Nike t-shirt
1 Nike tracksuit
1 Nike symbol earing
1 Nike beanie
Flick knife (men)
Baby - necessary (women)

Chavs wear a lot of tarcksuits, polo shirts and baseball caps. All their clothes appear to be designer, but are rip-offs. Popular Chav brands include: Nike, Adidas, Reebok, Kappa, Ellesse, Von Dutch, and Burberry. In fact, fake Burberry is so popular that the Burberry brand is actually being severly damaged.
Chavs like the bling - and pretending to have lots of money. They wear massive gold chains, bad replica watches and MASSIVE hoop earrings, all normally purchased from Argos. The bigger and more ridiculous the jewellry, the bigger the Chav.
Male Chavs favour Rap, while females prefer R&B, but both sexes like dance music, but it must be mindless and repetitive, such as House, Trance, Drum & Bass or something similar. The faster and louder the better, all the better to cook their tiny minds with.
Chavs MUST purchase a car as soon as they are old enough (driving license and insurance optional). This means it will be old and shit as they have very little money. They solve this by modding their cars, first come alloys, then a terrible bodykit, the more deformed the car, the better. Then a bigger exhaust - beer keg cut in half is normally too small. Finally a large sound system, so that the bass can shatter nearby windows while playing their favourite Trance track at full volume.
Chavs can't speak, they can't write either. They say things like 'innit', 'know what I mean' or try and impersonate a black accent. Mind you I will put a disclaimer in here that some of my favourite people say 'innit'. In fact, the typical greeting is: 'hiya, you alright', and it is growing on me a bit. As is 'innit'. I have dropped it once or twice.

There are famous chavs
Chav couples

And piss-take chavsThere is only one way to keep the chav population down, and I'm off to trademark it now!

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