Monday, February 26, 2007

Happy Birthday Fearless Leader!

If you hadn’t realised, celebrated, jumped in to the air with joy or launched a ballistic missile that crashes in to the sea only 4 minutes after taking off – it’s was the Dear Leader’s 65th birthday on 16, February.
According to his autobiography, this day 65 years ago, Kim Jong Il was born on the sacred mountain of Mount Paektu. His birth, which was foretold by a swallow, was followed by a double rainbow that spread across all of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. What is one to do on such a glorious day as this, well, here’s some suggestions:
The other end of the gun works better fellas

Capitalist pig dog piñata: Here’s a great one that the whole family can play. First you will need to kidnap a western diplomat (hang around the front of any embassy or off license). Tie them up and hang them from a tree, blindfold and spin the designated ‘hitter’ then let them loose. The first player to get the pinata to admit to spying on the Utopian society of North Korea to steal the country’s secret to everlasting happiness is the winner.

Hairspray heaven: Can you emulate Kim Jong-Il’s divine hairstyle. Come on – give it a go!

Some one really needs to tell these guys which end of the gun goes 'bang'.


Hide and seek: No power or lights make this game a little difficult for the seeker, but still a whole lot of fun. Hide in the open sewer or the empty food cabinet – the choices are yours!

You like safari suits too - you're shitting me?


Follow the leader: Not the Dear Leader silly – you should be following Dear Leader's example at all times! March in time with the person in front of you. If you can get a whole neighborhood to march in time down the main street you can call yourself a special term: battalion.

Twister: Can you avoid the landmines, traps and barbed wire around your border – left hand red!!

Bottle rocket launch: Create your own intercontinental ballistic missile. Get an empty milk bottle, fill it with baking soda and simply add water – just like the DPRK’s real missiles. Watch that little sucker go. If you can get your hands on enriched plutonium even better (if you can get your hands on enriched plutonium please contact Wang Cho Fung, DPKR Military Secretly, immediately).

North Korea's Sony Playstation 3 sold like hotcakes

Spot the difference: Which one is Dear Leader and which one is Jim Jones, leader of the Jonestown cult? Which one is a psychotic madman who leads by pretending he's a walking god and rules by cult of celebratory and which one comes from California, I just don’t know – can you pick it?










Well here’s to you ya crazy little fucker, have a happy birthday. So with that, ladies and gents, please be up standing for the North Korean national anthem – Pride of Songun (and please actually listen to it and tell me it’s not a blatant If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!).

6 Comments:

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